It is amazing to see how much Nigerians love life, in spite of the difficulties they have to contend with on a daily basis. And how readily they cling to life. The aircraft was preparing for take-off. The cabin crew had shut the door. The engines had started whirring. We had been told to fasten our seat belts. The aircraft was beginning to move. It was at this point that the fellow sitting next to me decided to make a phone call.
An indecent fellow, he did not lower his voice. He couldn't care. The people on the last row of seats could hear him so clearly. His voice was louder than the sound of the aircraft engines. He wore a Kaftan, his big tummy stretching the folds of the top wear. A bulky fellow; there was no one sitting in the middle seat but he had stretched out to cover the available space. His voice was grassy, but deep and he sounded like a man who is used to giving orders.
"Nna ke kwanu?, ke maka business wey we discuss. Is my cheque ready?"
"Don't tell me that. You people always say cheques will be ready on Wednesday. Today is Thursday, where is my cheque? What I want to hear is that it is ready."
"Don't tell me that. This is business. I am doing your work for you, you know. I want that cheque tomorrow morning. Nna eji kwana ego egwuru mu egwu. You hear?"
With every other line that he uttered, the fellow raised his voice. And he didn't sound as if he was going to cut off the conversation at any point. Meanwhile the aircraft was already on the runway, taxiing towards the take-off line. All of a sudden, other passengers rose in unison against the man making the phone call.
"Who is that fool?", someone shouted from the front rows.
"Who is the mad man making that phone call?" another voice added.
"Will that idiot shut up and switch off that phone?"
"Mr. Man, Can't you see that the plane is already moving?"
"Is that man crazy and stupid?"
The fellow beside me couldn't be bothered. He ignored everybody and continued with his phone call. "You know my account number? Account number. Yes. Yes. Yes. Pay the money into that account."
"That is it. Nna ihe gbasara ego, adi eji ya egwu egwu."
"Now, you are talking".
Other passengers could no longer stand the idea of being ignored by this fellow who was obviously determined to complete his conversation, with the unseen respondent who was being ordered to pay some amount of money into a bank account. By now many heads were turned in the direction of our seat. The cabin crew also started moving towards the middle row, to find out the cause of what was beginning to look like a passengers' riot in the making. I felt so embarrassed to be siting so close to the offender. Realising that I could be mistaken for the "crazy man", "the idiot" "the fool" that other passengers were protesting about, I slid down in my seat and pretended to be sleeping with my head turned sideways and downwards. The offender took his time. And when he was done with the conversation, he looked around as a now thoroughly enraged group gave him the length of their tongues.
"What is the matter with you, this man? Do you want to kill all of us? If you want to die why don't you wait till you get to your house?" one fellow, sitting in the next row, advised.
"Your behaviour is terrible. The pilot announced up to about six times that we should all switch off our phones. You are not deaf, are you?"
Now I had "woken up", the offender having been well identified. One guy on the other end of the row tried to blame me: "So, you are awake, I thought you were sleeping. Your neighbour is trying to kill everybody inside this aircraft and you are not saying a word." I ignored him. I was the person sitting next to the offender; suppose he was truly crazy and he suddenly became violent, I would be his first target. Strange things happen aboard Nigerian flights. I once witnessed an all-out wrestling combat between two passengers during a trip to Abuja. On another occasion, two ladies nearly stripped off each other's clothes as soon as the aircraft became airborne and they decided to continue with a suspended quarrel. When one of the ladies pulled at the halter-neck blouse of the other adversary, I thought I saw a glint in the eyes of the men and great expectations of a free nudity show.
Presently, the man beside me spoke up: "What is the matter with you people?" he asked. "Why is everybody screaming at me? What have I done?"
"What have you done? Ok, Mr. Man, you are not behaving well. Do you want this plane to crash?"
"Go and sit down. You want to tell me about computers? Do you know who I am? I was watching the plane. It is still on the runway. It is not as if we are already air-borne".
"Didn't you hear the pilot? Six times the man said we should switch off our phones. You ignored him. Next time, you can charter a plane, and then do what you like with your life. But don't kill other people."
"I was doing business. This is business. This is how I facilitate my business. We are talking about business here. Money. Good money," the offender intoned
"I don't think this man is serious at all," someone shot back
"I think something is wrong with him" another person added.
"It is people like this who cause problems in this country."
We were now airborne. Other passengers were pouring so much saliva on the fellow. But he then said something, which immediately diffused tension and brought crunchy laughter into the aircraft: "Oga, make una take am easy now. Afterall, I don quench the call," he said.
I couldn't help laughing too. In the next row, the guys sitting there were already shifting their attention to another business. The cabin crew was beginning to serve refreshments. This is always a pitiable experience on local flights in Nigeria. You get served very miserable meal: mouldy bread, cheap cake, tasteless sausage and some drink to wash down the junk. But back to our friend, the phone addict, the money-making loud-mouth.
He is actually not alone. He represents a population of phone-crazy Nigerians who are prepared to use the phone as they wish, without any regard for the safety and feelings of other people.. It is six years since mobile telephony was democratised in Nigeria through the GSM phenomenon which has turned a mobile phone into an essential item across all spectrums of society. But one social fact is the extent to which the use of cell phones has also exposed the crisis of bad manners in our land. It is not only the money-miss-road class that is guilty, even seemingly educated persons have become phone addicts. A cell-phone is the most popular toy among Nigerians. Even in churches, in the course of a solemn ceremony, you should not be surprised if a phone suddenly rings. And the ring tones are now so creative and colourful. You can hardly hold a successful meeting without cell phones distracting people's attention. Even when you insist that the phones should be switched off, people prefer to switch to a "Silent mode". And so in the course of a meeting, they keep going up and down: "I am in a meeting please,: "Excuse me, let me take this call, it is an important call." (is there any call that is not important?). To an average Nigerian with a cell phone, every phone call is invariably important.
The FRSC has observed that many of the road accidents in the country today can be traced to the abuse of cell phones. Many motorists endanger the lives of others by making calls while driving. Very few motorists use the hands-free facility. Sometimes, pedestrians can also be seen chatting heartily away while at the same time trying to cross a busy road. Motorcyclists also use phones. Strong legislation will be required to put a check to this reign of madness. Only the other day, there was a report in the newspapers that six men had been sentenced to jail for 20 days by a Lagos Magistrate Court for driving against traffic. It is such a pleasant development. Should the law enforcement agencies insist on taking every traffic offender to court, half of the Lagos population will either end up in jail soon, or there will be greater sanity on our roads. Similarly, a big stick should be wielded to check the abuse of the cell-phone…
We made it to the Lagos airport without any further incident. It had rained earlier in the day, but the pilot landed the aircraft on the tarmac successfully. Every successful trip in a local flight in Nigeria calls for celebration. Everyday, air travellers are exposed to great hazards. It is either a bird strikes the blades of the aircraft, or something happens to the tyres or the engines. Following a spate of air disasters, certain companies and individuals had resolved to restrict their staff to a number of choice airlines whose aircraft are regarded to be better maintained than the other "flying coffins" in the industry. But these days, nobody is sure anymore. Even the preferred airlines are not so impressive. There is a general poverty of standards and quality in Nigeria's aviation industry. Our seven-point agenda, 101 days old President, has been busy declaring emergencies or threatening to declare one in different sectors of the economy, such a state of emergency is long overdue in the aviation industry.
On the day of our encounter with the fellow with the cell-phone, Nigeria's Golden Eaglets were playing against Germany in the Semi-Final leg of the Korea 2007 U-17 Soccer Championship. Before we boarded the aircraft, the match had started, with the Eaglets who had so far put up an impressive performance in the tournament scoring two goals within the first few minutes of the match..Someone had even suggested that the airline should delay the flight to allow passengers watch the match. One of the officials had retorted: "This is business".
But as soon as our plane landed in Lagos, someone announced that the match had ended 3-1 in favour of the Golden Eaglets. This attracted a fresh round of commentaries. How Yar'Adua appears to be a lucky President. How it is good that something is happening at Korea 2007 to make Nigerians smile again after a season of tragic performance in sports under the previous administration. How the Golden Eaglets prove the point that with adequate preparation, Nigerians could put in their best. Nigeria had won the FIFA Under-17 trophy in 1985 and again in 1993. There were great expectations that Nigeria will be victorious again in 2007, having beaten Haiti, Japan, France, Argentina and Germany to get to the finals.
As the discussions floated from one end to the other, I noticed that someone had switched on his cell phone, a cell-phone with a television function. I went across the rows of seats to look at the phone. The owner was showing off. Three of us went closer.
"What kind of phone is this?, " I asked.
"It is the E-series"
"It is actually a mobile television set too."
"But is that why you should switch it on before the plane landed. There are too many crazy people in this country" someone said.
"Forget that. If he didn't switch it on, how would we have known the final results of the Nigeria-Germany match," another fellow countered.
Sensing that another round of altercation was about to begin, I quickly moved towards the exit.
By Reuben Abati
